I’m approaching what I’ve heard described as “the wall” in recovery. I have relapsed numerous times around the 3-4 month mark. It seems to be when the post-acute-withdrawal syndrome reaches a peak and my brain and body seek relief at any cost.
This time I’m not going to let it happen. If I have to go check myself into a treatment center to avoid it, I will. If I have to lock myself up in the house, I will. If I have to have my partner watch me every minute of the day, I will. I am not going to drink or use NO MATTER WHAT!
That said, and while the symptoms are still manageable, I’m going to take some steps that I think will help. Oddly enough, foodie that I am, consistently eating well has been a challenge as has been getting exercise. But I think these things will help tremendously with the PAWS so I’m going to start focusing my efforts on those things.
Part of the problem is that I’ve been trying to attend as many meetings as I can and between work, and then being tired from work, it leaves little time or energy for cooking and exercise. My main meeting is the aftercare group on Thursdays and I will definitely continue to attend there regularly. But I’m going to give myself a break on the AA meetings. The truth is I don’t get very much out of the meetings, and while I still plan to attend, I’m no longer going to push myself to attend.
Also, I’ve made an appointment with my psych doc and my therapist. My next big task is to quit smoking and I want to revisit the medications that I’m on with the possibility of going on Wellbutrin to help with the smoking as well as seeing if there’s anything safe that might help with the PAWS.
77 days today. Thank you for visiting Eclectic Recovery.
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