I was in an AA meeting the other day and a woman was expressing how she’s relapsed twice: once after the 4th step and once after the 9th. Instead of questioning whether the steps were appropriate to her and her recovery, she, of course, questioned herself, berated herself for not doing them properly, and was getting a new sponsor to begin going through them once again. I felt so badly for her because I’ve been there, too.
It’s taken me over 15 years to finally realize that I was just practicing the wrong steps for me. It’s taken years of involvement with people who use no steps at all and no higher power, but manage to obtain a full sobriety anyway. It’s taken soul searching, relapses, trying different things, reading and re-reading Charlotte Kasl’s book to finally begin to trust my reality and daily affirm that I see what I see, know what I know and feel what I feel.
Thank my creator, gods, goddesses, spirits and allies for Charlotte because I wouldn’t have been able to figure it out on my own. It’s an especially hard road sometimes for those who have no affinity with the 12 steps, who are not ego-driven, but ego-broken, who always blame themselves anyway with absolutely no help from outside influences, who are not in denial just desperate.
So glad to be here and be sober today.
Thank you for visiting Eclectic Recovery.